June 2, 2011 § 2 Comments
1. I cut my own bangs, my own jorts, and my own too-big-for-me t-shirts, but really, no one should allow me anywhere near a pair of scissors. Are my bangs straight across or at an angle, you can’t tell. Yes there is a long bit in the middle of my forehead. I like to call this look, “oh God what have you done?” This is essentially the same effect I have on jorts and t-shirts. I can only cut t-shirts into v-necks but the v is more like one that’s been squashed by a truck, and it always ends up showing my bra. My current jorts’ (jort’s?) left leg is about 1 inch longer than the right. I’m really cool.
2. I’m really cool and a great conversationalist. What I mean to say is that if you ever approach me in any forum ever, I will smile and say “eh-huh” which is kind of like a half mutter of agreeance and a half creepy giggle. I also forget at least 80% of the English language and stop sentences mid-thought and trail into space because I am usually acutely aware that my point has stopped having any meaning after the 3rd or 4th word I puke out. I am trying to think of a deeply rooted emotional cause for why I am such shlub, and I’d like to say that the beginning of my decline into social oblivion was when I turned six and my best friend Diana told me that we couldn’t be best friends anymore because I still played with Barbies and she didn’t like them anymore. And my brilliant and incensed retort was, “You’re just saying that ’cause you don’t have any cool stuff for your Barbies like I do!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” Yep. Some time around there.
3. I am like your grandmother if she never stopped smoking pot. It’s true. I have partied maybe once this year (and I was probably sitting in a corner ripping a bong and not talking anyway), I have sensitive ~tummy~ issues (which I would like to discuss with you at length about), I usually fall asleep somewhere between ten and eleven (while watching The Nanny), my talent/main interest/thing I want to spend my life doing is crocheting for pete’s sake(my name is Brianna, but for Pete’s sake), I’m also practically legally blind and ginger ale is delicious, frankly. I also smoke a ton, which, well … wait, okay, it also makes me forgetful and susceptible to go off on senseless rants. So. Yeah, I am actually just an 87 year old woman whose bum has managed not to sag yet.
I am hoping for this blog to be another public forum where I can embarrass myself and make other people uncomfortable, I mean, I’m kidding, but hopefully you find me hilarious and flawless and perfect, or whatever. I’m mostly going to go off on rants, talk about the awkward shit that happens to me on a daily/hourly basis, and post my artwork here and other neat things like that.
SO UM HI.